after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
i'm in a very strange mood rn i'm listening to bruno mars??? am i ok????
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