so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
1 be hot 2 flirt with everyone 3 use hotness to make people do things for you. It's a simple model.
By the end of the night I was using him as a leg rest and he was handing me pizza rolls when I wiggled my hand. It's a proven method.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
I was throwing up in the shower. He was throwing up on me. It was a cute couple moment for us.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
Randomize
