I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
Randomize
