Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
This is why I'm not putting my name in lights over your bed.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
I hope he says my name when they're having anniversary sex this weekend.
For the record, just because I'm a mess doesn't mean I don't know what I'm talking about when I give you advice. I'm way better at other people's lives.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
Awake! can you bring me my pants...im under the couch
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
fell asleep while jerking off ln. woke up to my hand in my pants and my cat crawling all over me
Randomize
