My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
Come on down you're the next contestant on "lets go drinking!"
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
Is it too early in the day to be getting dressed for the strip club?
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Mike's letting gay guys do body shots off him again.
My boyfriend, ladies and gentlemen.
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
