Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I would seriously fuck her so hard, her contacts would pop out of her eyes.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
She just. Cock slapped me. With string cheese.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
