Hahahaha do you think bella ever gave edward head?
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
all time personal low: room service guy going "You want french fries AND onion rings???"
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
Randomize