Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
you didnt know i had herpes?
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
we have beer and we're watching the birds have sex in our yard.
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