is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Absence makes the cock grow harder.
I'm sneaking you alcohol into a hospital. This either says love or "we have a problem"
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
What happened to my knees?
You ate shit in front of the homeless people. They applauded.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
I can appreciate that you picked up the hot drummer, but don’t have sex in front of my house lmao
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