mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
my only goal for the semester is never go to my wednesday class sober
I would really like it if you guys got out of my bush
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
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