Your face is a jimmy john
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
It might be whiskey, but I view Marge and Homer Simpson as something to strive for
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
I went up to u at the bar, you grabbed my face and said, "hey you're Juan right?"
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
