I found the orange juice, it was hiding in the vodka...trickster.
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
Omfg amy I'm not kidding you I think a blow job is what landed me in the hospital
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
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