The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
They've started ranking girls from "paper-bag" to "I just came." Please come get me
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
Despite what happened tonight, Im still expecting Jesus birthday sex
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
I may be in the process of acquiring a second male fuck buddy and dating a girl....FUCKING STOP THE TRAIN I'M ON! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!!
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
Nothing like sunday church bells to aid your walk to the pharmacy to get plan b
My six-margarita-deep ass just used a blow torch to light the match that lit my bong pack. Peak single 🤦ðŸ¼â€â™€ï¸
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
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