bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
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