just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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