do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
Is it because I queefed?
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
