Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
