I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
My orgasm happened in two different decades
Randomize