A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
It never fails.. every time I have a dick in my mouth he calls me.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I guess the study abroad went badly, I gave him a joint and he just smoked it and cried all the way from the airport
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
That's the saddest description of touching yourself I've heard since someone said "I was just lazily rubbing my clitoris while eating Cheetos alone"
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
Hooked up with a straight guy while dressed as a man. I'm unstoppable.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
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