i just google searched "what time does taco bell open"
I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Can we make sure camping doesn't turn into forest-orgy?
Lol, last year was UNREAL
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
