If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
No, fuck buddies don't get birthday party privledges...
Sorry.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
Randomize
