If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
someone owes me an orgasm
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
Don't worry we will all be making bad decisions soon
That's the most comforting thing I've heard in months
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
STOP LICKING HIS MUSTACHE
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
When people ask about my bruises, I'm just going to say it was a doorknob. Or possibly a group of doorknobs. Angry doorknobs.
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize