A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
CNN just did a special on how to do heroin safely.. I recorded it for us
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
After we drank 3, we built a raft out of the empties and installed the fourth submerged In the water to keep it cool. Keg boats are now a thing
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Im in my back seat in my own drive way with two beers left to shotgun and watching the sunrise. Am I over her yet?
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
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