3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
me + whiskey = a bad person
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
