1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Yeah but the gay hasidics turned out to actually just be real gay hasidics
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
She rode my dick so hard I momentarily lost hearing. I guarantee I had the better St Patrick's.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
