The bars here don't close until 4!
my legs don't close until 4
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
He sent me a picture of Reese's peanut butter cups next to his dick. Of course I went over.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I will go to bed dreaming of sexy Olympians carting me on a throne to the beach where they feed me pizza and champaign and massage my head/wash it like the hair dresser does.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Randomize
