dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Your either lost or getting food, if your lost find me a girl on your way back, if your getting food grab me a double cheese
Brown or brunette? Ketchup or mustard?
I love you bro
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
Sitting in bed reading a porn novel off my phone and accidentally just made Siri start reading the most graphic part aloud. FUN FIRST NIGHT WITH THE NEW ROOMIE.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
