That was rough. We had a 50% puke rate and 100% still drunk rate at lunch
He started to lick my mole,thinking it was my nipple.
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Randomize
