I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
I have your camera. You have 35 naked pictures of me. you're welcome.
I swear to god I'm going to hunt down and stab the next telemarketer that calls from a blocked number while I'm waiting for my STD results...
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
It was crazy man, at one point after already going 3 rounds I tried to breakaway for a smoke...she yanked me by the nipple hair back on top of her.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
