Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
In the UK. Bar special, every drink costs a pound. I'm two shots away from being deported. God save the queen.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
Randomize
