you'd be confused too if you woke up to pictures of a ghostbuster doing body shots off you.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Next time when I try to seductively eat onion rings while drunk remind me of tonight.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
My vagina and my morals are playing tug of war
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
"YOU A2TE UNDERAGE LOL" Got that at 2am. Gotta stop dating alcoholics.
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
Randomize
