On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
My mom made me write an apology letter to all my family for hijacking the eggnog.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
