I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
Yeah. I don't know. I'm just gonna show up at her place on valentines day with a jock strap, box of chocolates, and rose clenched between my ass cheeks with "be mine" written across my glorious man titties.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
