i think i have herpe
just one?
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
they arrested me when i was peaking, i'm pretty sure they were specifically looking for me but i was too busy rolling around, loving the grass to notice the police car..
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
He's a Republican and an Ohio State fan idk how far this can go.
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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