she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
it's like iHOP with fire
the doctor brought back painful memories by lecturing me about your teeth marks that are still on my dick.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
we should paint friendship bongs
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