The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
Oh my God, that is a gorgeous man. And I wasn't even gay until five minutes ago.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Hey can you explain why there's a dissected coconut in my purse????
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
