My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Last night he was fingering me with one hand to his ear, calling himself 'dj clittles'
Thats what happens when go home with guys that wear shutter shades to the bar..
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
I started having a bad trip because I closed my eyes and got lost in a forest of patterns and I knew my mom would be upset.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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