You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
