If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
Randomize
