i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
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