I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
Randomize
