I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
I'm going to try to ignore the homoerotic subtext in that last question...
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
But break dance skills will only take you so far
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
