And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
It got to the point that I had to make flashcards with their name on the front and dick pics on the back.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
I don't need no damn man when I have the cock-a-nator 2000.
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
Randomize
