I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
This is the kind of period I feel I should name out of respect to the fact I might have just gotten lucky this time.....
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Randomize
