no really all good couples have similar hair colors!
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
I am omw to AA Fellowship by the sea w Jenny and a stripper who just paid for our jetski with 85 $1 bills
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
He was smart enough to bring a condom to our study date so I mean I'm sure he'll do fine on the test
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
It's 6am and I had to explain to the gas station attendant why I didn't have shoes on and I'm covered in maple syrup.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
dude, where did you go? french fries taste like numbers
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