I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
vagina is talking i cant
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
I have a feeling that watching gay porn with you was the reason I was dancing in a hurricane of floating dicks in my dream last night.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
