yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
Me and my dog bond so much when im high.
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
MY DAD KEEPS LIKING PORN LINKS/ALBUMS ON FACEBOOK AND THEY ALL SHOW UP IN MY NEWSFEED
Im glad your laughing because im currently convincing my penis you didnt mean it and its all gunna be ok.
Randomize
