the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
There's no such thing as shame in your world, is there?
I might need to come puke in your toliet on the way home
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
Randomize
