At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
"What's your dick like homie" is not really an acceptable thing to say out loud
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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