My girlfriend figured out who you are.
i wokr up in ohio with no clothes. i think someone gave me ecstacy. can you come find me please it's cold.
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Randomize
