just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Don't forget ur talking to the master juggler. Remember that time I slept with 3 guys and made them all pay for plan b? Paid the rent didn't I?
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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