TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
Randomize
