bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
sometimes, you gotta take him by the hands like tails took sonic, and fly him into the bedroom.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
You spilt a drink on my couch, then used my dog to mop it up... you called her a mop dog, repeatedly
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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