An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
I know right, I would blow him just for the satisfaction he would taste like vodka
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