Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
I mean... It's a win/win situation. I mentor the kid for an hour and then I get to fuck his mom. I know deep down I'm helping them both
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Seriously. There were about 4 hours in which I swear my nose was not attached to my face.
Randomize