Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
how the fuck did you end up in georgia? you were here at my party dry humping some chick 2 hours ago
so you mean to tell me that there is no way you can get me?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
How do you say, "I love you, but i prefer sex with someone else." in a good way? Ponder that over a jack and coke and get back to me.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
It’s amazing such a big dick belongs to such a boring guy
Randomize
