I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
My vagina is officially offended.
I couldn't find the oven mitts so I used a thick stack of tortillas
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
Randomize
