The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
My phone just put together a highlight reel of yesterday's dick pic session, set to music and everything
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
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