Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
thats it. im teaching my cat how to use a fire alarm
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
I'm just gonna stay I'm bed where it is warm and cozy and nobody knows me as the girl that puked on a stripper
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
Dick very happy bro
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I'm over here trying to figure out how to get shake shack delivered to my bed and Jamie is having a child
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
