at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
I wish scraping a resin bowl could be considered cleaning.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
Just got the test results back. All clean, Now whose an idiot for going bareback in South America for 3 months straight.
Sitting on the floor in my kitchen eating taquitos. Being this drunk the next day has lost its allure post graduation.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
You christened everyone with a powdered doughnut and then tried to absorb vodka with your nipple.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
I had to put my dog down, accidentally outed my brother, and was given a fucking fish sandwich instead of a Big Mac ALL IN ONE DAY! Am I really the person you want to consult for advice? Hhhmmmmmm?
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