he wants to bone in the snuggie
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
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