Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Please don't tell me that blonde guys name is Matthew I won't be able to fuck a guy with my brothers name
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Damn Instagram explore page. I am six months in to some girl I don't even know.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
Sometimes you have good days, sometimes m you delete 360 screenshots off your camera roll.
Randomize
