Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
it was worse than that time i tried giving evan head 4 days post nose job.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Can you still call it a wet dream if sandwiches were involved?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I need to talk about my life with someone. Preferably with someone who hasn't tried to jizz on me
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
At dinner her sister yelled "he fucked me AND mom!! Up your standards hoe!!" Safe to say I ruined that family
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
