White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I have four things I would like to do over summer too... Problem is they're all roommates
Randomize
