So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
i secretly love the power trip of being their RA & busting these idiots for everything i did as a freshman
we drunkly made out in the middle of the street beside the homeless guy playing the flute. Not how I imagined our first kiss.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
they were having sex on the toilet apparently and everytime someone knocked they flushed. it was like an auditory scoreboard of sex duration.
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Randomize
