her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
you broke a plate. told her her wedding china was ugly and you were doing her a favor. then proceeded to break every plate you could get your hands on.
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
my mom just walked in on me in the shower doing the "ass hair shave" pose.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
If you've never yelled, "fuck you ray Lewis" in front of your 87 year old grandfather you haven't lived
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
Remember the time you cried about coconuts
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize
