at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
He was like a Bill Nye the science guy of sex....he was telling me things about my clitoris that I didn't even know
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
My mom just sent me this: "I like Jon, but he needs to be the one going down on you! Yeah, we saw your head pop up in your car last night."
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Randomize
