FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
