He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
