They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
My dad got me a charm braclet....his way of trying to support my gayness....
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
