You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I had a dream that I got a gift certificate to a lavish spa from my father. I think dream dad, along with real dad, think I'm gay.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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