glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
he kept insisting he didn't have my number, so i called his phone and my number came up as "yeaaaaaaaaah!"
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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