So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
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