"it" just moved
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
They're here. One showed up as a slutty Crayola, and I think the other came as The Fat Friend.
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
