There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
even my farts smell like vagina
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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