haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
Cover for me. Stopped at Chris’ for a quickie. Broke a high heel and there’s jizz all over my black dress. Fuck pornstars for making workday sex look easy
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