Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
Does it really count as two different guys if they're brothers? I like to think of it as one and a half.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
I supernannyed him into submission
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
