Just wanted to let you know that if you need my services as a male dancer for his birthday, let me kno so I can clear my schedule
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
i took my sailor hat off and used it as a vom bucket
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
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