I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
I have to talk to myself and be all "you are NOT horny tonight"
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
My mom just used the chap stick I used right after giving him a blow job. I am a horrible daughter :(
Randomize
