You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
I think I've just evolved into some kind of vodka fueled monster
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
Randomize
