dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Way to go. Now you have no beer and I have a cold tit.
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
Randomize
