Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
His text read: Sex? I replied: Not drunk enough. He bought 4 more rounds and tantalized me with the offer pizza later. This could be the beginning of a beautiful relationship.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
You have to understand, this is the first time I'm looking at a whopper sober.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
