First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
We fucked on shrooms. It's like his dick was a beam of light and when I came I turned into a prism and my orgasms were made of rainbows.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
