belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Randomize
