so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I found a digiorno pizza in my washing machine.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
