please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
I love how adderall is equivalent to money on a college campus. just got a ride home and paid the driver in adderall...yeeah buddy
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I didn't think this needed to be said, but our sexts are an emoji free zone
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
