Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Taking my final with a coffee mug full of keystone... best semester ever.
Holy shit. Do you realize what this means? Officially all of my ex-bfs are either dead or gay
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
Randomize