I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
my hand froze to the top of can of beer cuz i fell asleep outside. i decided to find a way to open the bottom of the can before addressing my severe frostbite. PRIORITIES!
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
You lost me at unexpected butt stuff. Everything else I would probably do.
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
