You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
You slid down the bannister into a split. Lines were crossed.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
Dude...I slept walked to the free condom bin in the lounge last night. I don't know why.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
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