as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
I keep having to talk dad out of putting tequila in the milkshakes.
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
Randomize
