I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I just queefed in yoga class and now the old man next to me is smiling at me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
