Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
How's work?
Spinning.
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Ive decided I'm sending thank you notes to all the bars for graduation.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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