i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
"reccomended dose" hasn't been in my vocabulary for quite some time.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
dude he's still passed out in my bathtub. and his dick is half way in a 40 bottle... i really hope he was just trying to piss in it
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Chasing down vodka with apple juice and crying. Alone.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
