Their flight hasn't even left yet and the 'buy food to keep yourself alive' budget is gone on tequila.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
What happened to him?
He was walking right behind us then disappeared.. turns out he checked his luggage at a night club, continued to drink and dance, then slept on the 4th floor of some museum
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
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